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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.
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Male Sexuality: Gelded, Gilded, Guilted, and Jilted

Male Sexuality: Gelded, Gilded, Guilted, and Jilted
The masculine has not escaped the trappings of sexual shame. Though his “Virgin” may be less revered and his “Slut” less condemned, his manhood is nonetheless gelded, gilded, guilted, and jilted. In the reflection of the wounded feminine, the masculine is either castrated by guilt or abandoned as the motherless child. As a result, most men, especially the spiritual ones, walk through life with their masculine marginalized and their power diluted in deference...
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The Virgin and the Slut

The Virgin and the Slut
The Virgin and The Slut... I have been branded as both and equally shamed and revered in each— sometimes in the same night, the same outfit, and by the same mouth that begged to bed me. The iron has been held by women just as much as men. It has been wielded by preachers and gurus, and used to prod me into their chosen corral of what was “holy” or “free”, “divinely feminine”...
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The Human Heart of the Shaman

The Human Heart of the Shaman
This weekend, as I was honoring my grandmother and teacher, Madre Sarita, for Dia de los Muertos, she came through me with such force. It is still working on me and thus I don't yet have the words. But I wanted to at least share this with you. It is the original opening to my chapter for "Shamanism in the New Millennium". I was planning on sharing it last month for the book's one-year...
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Be-YOU-ti-FULL

Be-YOU-ti-FULL
“Beautiful”— it’s not just a word; it is a human value. And whether we hang out on the synonym or antonym side of “beautiful” we have all been shamed at some point (for no reason or another) AND we who have evolved through that, need to raise our voice and our beauty up to be a clean mirror for the rest!  Let’s stop hiding our beauty in the name of spirituality versus vanity,...
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Poem: Shameless Beauty

Poem: Shameless Beauty
“Shameless Beauty” Bloom endlessly In tufted rainbow Hues of you Scented With life Luring Its sight Eating More light Your saturation suffuses Your abundance bears Your love inhabits the air Be Beauty unwieldy Unyielding To their pluck Their dares To fuck How can they? Take What is not theirs? Shake What is not loose? These petals Command the wind And rise the tides No time To stop Your rains Dewdrops Drink shadows Into...
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Poem: "Coyote Bird"

Poem: "Coyote Bird"
Coyote birdUnheardStalking betweenThe unseenHer desert bloomsDusty plumesShed the ghostsEntombed With moonlit petalsIn winds unsettledBy broken Day’sLast raysShe turns the tidesNight spread wideStar grazingOn the rise Even stillYour trillBegetsRegretTo wailHowlingProwlingLove assailed Her feathers dropYou spin the clockAnd manThe handOf timeStallingCallingThe final chime Your eyes deemAsleep in dreamHer thirstAt firstTo be yoursUnbeknownTo the tattooed stonesMarking her doors Down come the rainsAnd she remainsCoyote birdUnheardHer desert bloomsNow golden plumesTurn skiesTo fiery fumes
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The Labor Pains of Our Mothering

The Labor Pains of Our Mothering
This post isn’t just for you mothers. I’m talking about the superpower of our maternal instinct and how we have turned it against ourselves and our relationships… How we under-mother ourselves as we prioritize another’s needs over our own, and then over-mother them into a disempowered stagnation. How it is interpreted by the masculine, sometimes rightfully so, as emasculating or smothering and throws them into fight or flight mode. How we all struggle...
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Retreat Journal: Shameless Feminine in Teotihuacan

Retreat Journal: Shameless Feminine in Teotihuacan
“And one day, all under heaven will see beautiful free women, blooming like fields of flowers...” -Ch’iu Chin Day 1-2: "Walk of Ownership" What a beautiful first day with our group of women. This trip is definitely a journey into the Shameless Feminine and the new moon has served us well. We were guided by Quetzalcoatl, the Feathered Serpent and the father of Teotihuacan, to bring all the men to him and leave...
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Shameless Beauty: A Poem

Shameless Beauty: A Poem
Bloom early Endlessly Tufted rainbow hues of you Shamelessly scented With life For life Attracting more life Eating more light Full Filling Unwieldy beauty Unyielding beauty For they dare not pluckThey dare not f*ck How can they? Take what is not theirs? Shake what is not loose? These petals command the windAnd rise the tides No time to stop This bloom made the sun  ————— Let’s stop hiding, shall we? Let’s stop trading...
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Shameless Feminine

Shameless Feminine
“Shameless Feminine” Beloved, I come to you now,Pulled by your sleeping scarlet dreams,Your flowers of yearning,Your earth’s turning, That I may reach into this vessel —Beyond feast of ghost and Pain possessing pleasure— And bend my love into you, Become your trestle, Till you rise upon my kisses And your light breaks only into dawn— Never a slave To their empty grave No more. - Rh
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Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love

Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love
"Forgiveness sheds the bones of yesterday and bares her naked soul to the light of today." Having been raped multiple times in my life, I have a lot of experience with forgiveness. I held onto my anger and pain as if they would protect me from further trespasses when in truth, I was held by them and by my wounded memories which had become my greatest perpetrator. I was in purgatory, afraid to...
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To All the Boys

To All the Boys
“It’s not worth prosecuting”, I was told after the detective had “lost” all the evidence. Evidence plucked, swabbed, and stripped from my shaking body—gone, and with it—my credibility. Even before that, the same detective had attempted to silence me with his shaming inquisition. And now it seemed he had won. But he hadn’t. I wouldn’t let him. The way that I won, in spite of him, had nothing to do with spite at...
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Talkin' About Your Revolution

Talkin' About Your Revolution
So much trauma has been awakened in us collectively—new memories, old memories, and the ancient ones that have been carried in our cells. So much to feel and yet such a gift and a medicine to have it here, on the surface, where we can embrace it as we never did before. And we aren’t just revisiting our trauma, we are walking through reporting it, prosecuting it, speaking our story and naming our...
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Let it Burn

Let it Burn
Weinstein, Cosby, Kavanaugh. A fire has been lit and though it may seem to scorch our earth, it also ushers in a newfound fertility. That’s why we must embrace this fire and let it burn— allow its flames to lick at our wounds, to ignite the pain, the shame, the rage unsung and stir the ashes that once buried it.  As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I found myself quietly weeping with...
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