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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive

The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive
“I am here!”
 This has been my mantra for the last couple weeks. It is one that I have used with myself and clients in the past yet with less of a declaration and more of a loving presence. I would place my hand on my heart or wherever my emotional pain had landed and coo, “I am here. I got you.” My clients would report how effective this simple act of self-love...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze
Yesterday, I flipped the conversation about our resistance to healing and embracing our trauma self into an exploration of how the trauma self resists that embrace, even from You, the guardian. I introduced a new framework for identifying her resistance—the freeze, flee, or fight response. I shared that my trauma self has resisted my embrace in these three ways and cycled through them, just as she did when the trauma first occurred. I...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 1

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 1
My last few posts addressed the rebellion against our trauma self and this “walking in two worlds” medicine. Next up: resistance manifest and how our trauma self freezes, flees, or fights the “essential embrace”. 

As a healer, I understood the manifestation of one’s resistance to be based on density. The longer and stronger it was held, the more physical it would become—moving from a spiritual disconnect to a mental one, then emotional, and...
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Opening the Door to our Trauma Self

Opening the Door to our Trauma Self
What opens the door within oneself? ...to peer beyond the veils of protection that we placed in front of our trauma? …to pierce the heavy silence, the frozen fear, its secrets, its shame? ...and to do this walk that I and so many of us are on, or wish to be on— this walking in both worlds with our trauma self finally risen from shadow and with our guardian self at the ready...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 4: Reweaving the Trauma Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 4: Reweaving the Trauma Self
In my recent posts, I have been discussing a vision I received: a patchwork quilt which represented my life and all the selves within it, connected by a single golden thread—the one Self that flows through them all. It has delivered a big medicine for me and the healing of a hidden sexual trauma recently uncovered. This has been the toughest piece of trauma work I have ever had to do because it...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 2: The Common Thread of the Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 2: The Common Thread of the Self
I used to think of the Self as a layered being— layers of stories, beliefs, emotions. That is the language I was given to describe it and to process it— to peel away the layers. Through my personal journey of healing trauma, I discovered the emotional “peeling“ to be more of an unwinding from the body. Each emotion was like a thread, spun by stories and bound with beliefs and, if I followed...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 1: Integrating the Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 1: Integrating the Self
I slipped into a beautiful dream at the Self Realization Fellowship yesterday and magic ensued... In the vision, I stood as a little girl in the center of a circle of grandmothers who were weaving a patchwork quilt. With eyes of wonder, I watched them share a single golden thread between them as they sewed the most beautiful quilt I had ever seen— wild with colors that were softened only by their supple...
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The Death of Prince Charming (repost)

The Death of Prince Charming (repost)
In today's society, the search for true love often trumps the search for God but each is a worthy quest that, with the right map, will bring you to the same place— you. I struggled for years in my relationships with men and with God. Though I was raised to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, I secretly sought completion. I pushed and I pulled on their love— the part of me that...
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Can I Get a Witness?

Can I Get a Witness?
The spiritual path teaches us to love unconditionally, but what about BEING loved unconditionally?  Though we inherently receive the love we give, there is a distinct power in being witnessed by the eyes of love.  In the loving reflection of another, we have an opportunity to dissolve self-judgement and thus to love ourselves more deeply.   We may practice self-love and even experience genuine happiness, but often there is at least a piece...
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