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Dec 17, 2019
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Dec 28, 2019
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don Miguel Ruiz

 

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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

The Human Heart of the Shaman

The Human Heart of the Shaman
This weekend, as I was honoring my grandmother and teacher, Madre Sarita, for Dia de los Muertos, she came through me with such force. It is still working on me and thus I don't yet have the words. But I wanted to at least share this with you. It is the original opening to my chapter for "Shamanism in the New Millennium". I was planning on sharing it last month for the book's one-year...
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How We Remember Them Matters

How We Remember Them Matters
On this Memorial Day, as we honor those who have died serving our country, let us remember them well. For how we remember them, in a sense, is how they are resurrected within us and our life. “They live on in us.” We say these words, but we don’t quite give them the credence they deserve. They do live on in us. Through our memories, their living moments are given breath again. Their...
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Hunting Medicine

Hunting Medicine
I am a huntress of medicine. I stalk out a need within myself or a client and then I ask Spirit to bring on the alchemy. At times, it is like a treasure hunt where one clue leads to another in an unfolding journey that requires patience and surrender. That’s how it has been this last month with the personal trauma work that I have been sharing with y’all. I had stalled out,...
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The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive

The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive
“I am here!”
 This has been my mantra for the last couple weeks. It is one that I have used with myself and clients in the past yet with less of a declaration and more of a loving presence. I would place my hand on my heart or wherever my emotional pain had landed and coo, “I am here. I got you.” My clients would report how effective this simple act of self-love...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 4: The Fight

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 4: The Fight
The fight response presents in the mind. The energy is guarded, controlled, and sharp with pride. The trauma self stands her ground. No longer frozen or running from fear, she raises her sword at the ready to take on the battle. She seems triumphant—a warrior to be lauded—but the only one sliced by her blade now is herself. For the real battle is done—the enemy slain, arraigned or waned—and yet she keeps fighting,...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 3: The Flight

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 3: The Flight
The flight response presents in the emotional aspect: the energy is flowing but erratic. The frozen self may have thawed enough to move but only laterally— flitting back and forth between emotional coping mechanisms. One might think that this flight is purely based in fear but remember, we are talking about the trauma self’s resistance to being embraced by You, the guardian, and in this case, to being felt. She isn’t just fleeing...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze
Yesterday, I flipped the conversation about our resistance to healing and embracing our trauma self into an exploration of how the trauma self resists that embrace, even from You, the guardian. I introduced a new framework for identifying her resistance—the freeze, flee, or fight response. I shared that my trauma self has resisted my embrace in these three ways and cycled through them, just as she did when the trauma first occurred. I...
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The Death of Prince Charming (repost)

The Death of Prince Charming (repost)
In today's society, the search for true love often trumps the search for God but each is a worthy quest that, with the right map, will bring you to the same place— you. I struggled for years in my relationships with men and with God. Though I was raised to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, I secretly sought completion. I pushed and I pulled on their love— the part of me that...
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A Comedic Lesson in Humility

A Comedic Lesson in Humility
The moon has been showing a sliver of a smile—crooked, like she’s up to some mischief. So I thought it time to share another side of my death process—the lighter side of the dark side—and the laughter that often joins my tears in a full-bellied, full spectrum rainbow of emotions. Death can offer quite the feast if we let Her and She has a great sense of humor—one that, like most comedy, bares...
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Perfect Pain

Perfect Pain
I have been riding a wee bit of a death spiral (she says facetiously). Apparently, the Mother is asking me to give up much more than I anticipated. Beyond my home, my marriage and all the selves that resided within them, She is excavating parts of me that I thought had already returned to the light and others that I hadn’t realized needed to. She is reaching deep into my core—uncovering hidden trauma, releasing...
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Departure from a Dream

Departure from a Dream
Departure from a Dream Heart aches Pain stakesAnother end That means To releaseAnd return again From sorrowThat borrowsYour breath awhile And beatsIts drumFor the mercantile Whose trade windsLean inA kiss for the bride AsleepIn the deepOf Love’s end With flowersAnd firelightInto Eve’s rising tide She driftsTill Night liftsIts veil from her eyes WakingBreakingInto Dawn. ~Rh——————How are y’all doing? Riding these emotional waves can be tiring... or exhilarating. We can feel broken... or we can...
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Solstice 2018: Emptying Out

Solstice 2018: Emptying Out
Yesterday I shared my blog about Solstice inviting us to pause between the old and new. Titled “The Day the Sun Stood Still” I share it every year cuz the cause for pause is essential and ever-changing. Each year calls me in a different way. Last year, the pause had shifted. The stillness felt active, magnetic, expansive. The “emptiness and fullness of pure potential” were seamless in their exchange and ushered action and...
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Emptying Out

Emptying Out
Woke up this morning overwhelmed with grief… and with gratitude, with the sweetest sorrow… and with a heart-piercing joy. This is the way with the watery grave of emotion. When we allow ourselves to lay down in it, we are swallowed into the whole of life’s expression—the agony and the ecstasy. Neither holds the other nor holds us to the one, but moves through like the ocean wave that carries all that it...
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An Emotional Storm

An Emotional Storm
Some sit out the storm. Others use it to take higher flight. I love a good storm— the undeniable winds that blow right through me, and the surge of an ocean that carves away my edges and calls me deeper, higher, louder. Of course, there are times when we are meant to hunker down—to be the stillness in the center of its fury—watching, waiting, listening for its howl to return to calm. But...
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Gifts for the Ghost

Gifts for the Ghost
“Gifts for the Ghost” is a series of videos that offer a set of tools and practices for healing trauma or any psychosomatic imbalance. And it’s FREE! No need to even subscribe to my newsletter. They truly are my gift to you which I am so happy to offer. 💝Each video is posted here, plus an introductory article on "Emotional Presence"... Welcome to Gifts for the Ghost,A set of tools and practices for...
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Shameless Feminine

Shameless Feminine
“Shameless Feminine” Beloved, I come to you now,Pulled by your sleeping scarlet dreams,Your flowers of yearning,Your earth’s turning, That I may reach into this vessel —Beyond feast of ghost and Pain possessing pleasure— And bend my love into you, Become your trestle, Till you rise upon my kisses And your light breaks only into dawn— Never a slave To their empty grave No more. - Rh
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Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love

Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love
"Forgiveness sheds the bones of yesterday and bares her naked soul to the light of today." Having been raped multiple times in my life, I have a lot of experience with forgiveness. I held onto my anger and pain as if they would protect me from further trespasses when in truth, I was held by them and by my wounded memories which had become my greatest perpetrator. I was in purgatory, afraid to...
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Talkin' About Your Revolution

Talkin' About Your Revolution
So much trauma has been awakened in us collectively—new memories, old memories, and the ancient ones that have been carried in our cells. So much to feel and yet such a gift and a medicine to have it here, on the surface, where we can embrace it as we never did before. And we aren’t just revisiting our trauma, we are walking through reporting it, prosecuting it, speaking our story and naming our...
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Let it Burn

Let it Burn
Weinstein, Cosby, Kavanaugh. A fire has been lit and though it may seem to scorch our earth, it also ushers in a newfound fertility. That’s why we must embrace this fire and let it burn— allow its flames to lick at our wounds, to ignite the pain, the shame, the rage unsung and stir the ashes that once buried it.  As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I found myself quietly weeping with...
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Retreat Journal ~ Teotihuacan 2018

Retreat Journal ~ Teotihuacan 2018
Day 1: Following my nose to God. Wellll, it has been a magically creative (and full) past couple of months. It has truly been a ‘standing in both worlds’ experience— completing my contribution to another collaborative book (WootWoot!) while navigating the busyness of life. I had to bow out for a bit so I could bow in and honor this space of healing and change. And now, I am so happy to emerge...
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