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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Caterpillar

Caterpillar
Do you think a butterfly misses itselfas a caterpillar?I do, sometimesLong for the darkTo nestle into the emptyMidnight suspendedAnd I begin to weigh instead of flyPetals chasing my descentMy fallowed kissesMy inked nectar displayMaybe it’s how I paint upon themLike I owe the world these wingsAnd so I must fly beautiful, for themPollinate their strutBut why can’t I?Hunger the garden down to the rootTake and break a leaf from goldAnd linger lifeless as...
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Release into Real-Ease: A New Take on New Years

Release into Real-Ease: A New Take on New Years
RESOLUTION: ORIGIN: from Latin resolutio: from resolvere: loosen, release, settle.”RESOLUTION: IN MUSIC: “the move of a note or chord from dissonance (inharmonious, tense, unresolved) to a consonance (pleasing, final, lacking tension against the center key).”RESOLUTION: COMMON USE: “a firm decision to do or not to do something.”We all love a good firm declaration, a hard line drawn in the sand. It feels good. Like music moving into consonance, we have struck our final...
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Where Do I Begin and End


Where do I begin and end?Does my end begin with You? Where my skin cannot pass through? Or is it the Eye that begets the my and besets the I to forget? And to still within the trill of this heartbeat which stomps the song of a thousand ancestors feet— yours and mine— their Panacean blood baked into rusty, star-dusty mud cakes, there in your backyard and carried home in the ruffled tress...
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Starve the Slaughter

Starve the Slaughter
Garbage without a can,Empty boxes fill the manEgo AmazonianHis big ass shoesThat walk the bluesAnd stub the rub on youPicking up the broomTrying to make some roomFor ‘heart’s sonic boom’True the wolf that leads the lambHowling his requiem“We are tribe. We are fam!Divine Masculine, I am!”And I’m the fish (a Queen)Hooked by your crook to clean?No. I call this lienAnd starve the slaughterI am the Father’s daughterNot the wounded fodderOf your assumptionsthat precede...
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A WAY IN

A WAY IN
In all that I’ve heardI’ve seen something far deeper than the spoken wordAnd far more than stepping inside of youI let you walk inside of meWalk all over me like you once wereFeeling senses through the looking glassWhere we no longer see through these eyesOr even those of anotherBecause we’re seeing inIn the all unseamedWhere all is seen but never knownNoWe wouldn’t do it such dishonorWe won’t give a look in these booksThese...
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LA VIDA PERDIDA, LA VIDA PERDURA


LA VIDA PERDIDA, LA VIDA PERDURA I hold no claimAnd so I hold it allHereIn the patience of timelessnessI last beyond the lossOf broken shells spilling their lifeBroken hearts spilling their painBroken seeds spilling their nameTaken by wind, awakened by rainMaking the sun a father againIt is a fickle, flirtatious and flighty flightThat leaves you groundedIt seemsUntil you un-seamYour edgesYour armory of masksAnd let fall the fallThrough and trueAnd so if I...
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The Mother’s Way

The Mother’s Way
This post was from my 2018 journey to Teotihuacan; it displays the evolution of the Divine Mother’s message two years prior (see my last post) and how it truly shifted the way we walk through Teo and through our personal process of awakening.It is the nurturing energy of the Divine Mother, yes, and it is more than that too. For it is a way of being— a way that we are all shifting...
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Compassionate Kisses

Compassionate Kisses
I cannot walk in your skin,and yet I do...feel the tears dressing my own—pain tressing them,pride pressing theminto tidy masksthat wear me of my smiles,that bear me another mile,another day,another wayof bearing Them.I cannot sing your ancestor’s prayers,and yet I do…stomp the feetunder the reachof handsneatly foldedin drawers,lest I be wornor They are worn,forlorn in anger,suddenly strangers.I cannot heal your heart,and yet I do…secret a wishfor one kissto wake usfrom this dream,and onefor...
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Winter Solstice: The Cause for Pause

Winter Solstice: The Cause for Pause
Wherever you stand on this Solstice and whichever season you savor, it is a time for stillness and redirection— a perfect preparation for the New Year. The sun’s movement in relation to Earth actually pauses and then reverses direction. Hence the origin of the word from the Latin solstitium, meaning 'the Sun stands still'.Many choose to celebrate the seasonal aspects of Solstice by honoring the waxing or waning of the light, but what of...
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Day of Our Lady Guadalupe


December 12th is celebrated in Mexico as the Day of Our Lady Guadalupe. I am blessed to live on a magical old estate with a chapel dedicated to Her.I recorded this 3 years ago. This was actually the day I found out I was going to live here... by Her hand no doubt… and She has been easing me with her Grace ever since.In the video, I tell the story of Guadalupe and...
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Día de Los Muertos: Honoring Death as Medicine

Día de Los Muertos: Honoring Death as Medicine
How I honor Día de Los Muertos and harvest its fruits for myself:The Day of the Dead (which is actually several days) honors death in a most beautiful way. The veil between worlds is lifted and the souls of the dead can revisit their loved ones. In colorful altars, laden with ofrendas (offerings), we invite the dead to feast, dance and sing with us. Death is an honored guest, and life is a...
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Dangling Time

Dangling Time
Walking linesThe eyes of hands that hold meHow can I be heldHereDissolved of all but grace?Slip the knot of memoriesWeigh the bread in riseMorning always comesThey sayMourning always comesWashed in laceThe shadowed faceHidden gems, those tearsBut ahhh, she sighsReaching acrossThis table unset by DeathDangling linesWalking timeThe hands of eyes that behold me
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Father Sun

Father Sun
Father Sunlet me be undoneand born into the Light that I am,into the Sun where I becomeone and two and three again— the Trinity that calls me home,to this Earth, this womb,and the spark that arcsyour rays to the Eye, the I of one— one seednever to bemine or yours,now or beforethe form.Black the light!Slack the fightfrom my fruittorn and thorned.Stretch my skin,hum the drum,and let my tears befalla new daya new seasonbereft...
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Closer

Closer
Shades of medrawing closeddrawing mecloser—hued in bluewashed in warmthof sunlit pausesand breath.In dangling tidescatching timethe shoreline netsits gainof sands recastas uncharted glassand castles surrenderedto sea.I seenowas fixed as a dancechanced upon a wavedrawing breathdrawing indrawing mecloser.

Weigh Me Down to Rest

Weigh Me Down to Rest
I thought Iwas dyingBut Iwas just fingering its precipicerattling the inhale of Death’s kissNo, Iwas still gasping for airgrasping a life to bearclawingat a crumbling edge crownedpawingthe surface as I drowned—refuse refutedto admitrefusedto submitUntil Ihad no choiceno voiceMy body gave its last givingIt gave inAnd Icaved in—felledfallingFallen AngelWings could not catch me hereor raise me from this graveIwas buriedand burrowing deeperpiling more Earth upon my Self—sweet, dark, cool EarthIt was my only hunger—restWeigh...
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Life’s Call to Action

Life’s Call to Action
“One important step in manifesting our desire is a simple one— to listen. Once we have lit our candles and said our prayers, literally or figuratively, we must listen for Life’s answer. For the answer will inevitably come with a call to action.”Here’s the latest story honoring my shaman grandmother, Madre Sarita. It is a continuation of Monday’s ‘Crying Prayers’ which spoke of my journey with faith. Though most would describe Sarita as...
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Crying Prayers: the Power of Absolute Yearning

Crying Prayers: the Power of Absolute Yearning
I debated what to share for this week’s honoring of my shaman grandmother, Madre Sarita. In the order of things, next up would be her miraculous “Psychic surgery” which gave sight to the blind and freed paralytics from their wheelchairs. But I know Sarita would agree— it wasn’t the surgery that created the miracles; it was faith. And so here is a story of when my faith was on its knees…“I used to...
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Emotional Immunity

Emotional Immunity
I want to take a pause with you in this series about my shaman grandmother, Madre Sarita, and highlight some excerpts that display the ‘moral’ of my last story on Fire Cleansing— emotional immunity. For it is an important tool in navigating these emotionally-charged tides of change...“The teachings of Sarita's son, don Miguel Ruiz, show us how we cast spells with our word, catch them with our beliefs, and personalize those beliefs into our...
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Fire Cleansing: Unveiling the Shadows of Love

Fire Cleansing: Unveiling the Shadows of Love
Of all the tools my Grandmother shared, Fire Cleansing is my absolute favorite. This is the topic for today’s story in this month’s honoring my Shaman grandmother, Madre Sarita. “This is not good, Mija,” Sarita began, shaking her head. “There has been a curse placed on you. A man who wants you to himself. He has tied your sexual organs and your heart, keeping you from having love again. It is someone you once were in...
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My First Egg Cleansing

My First Egg Cleansing
As promised, I am offering a new round of stories to honor my Shaman grandmother, Madre Sarita. We will step away from the early years of my memoir which were featured last week, and into my training with her— receiving her healings and learning the skills to deliver them. This week's honoring began by featuring an old blog which translates the practice of channeling into our everyday communication ,"Communion-ication". Today, I want to...
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