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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Shameless Beauty: A Poem

Shameless Beauty: A Poem
Bloom early Endlessly Tufted rainbow hues of you Shamelessly scented With life For life Attracting more life Eating more light Full Filling Unwieldy beauty Unyielding beauty For they dare not pluckThey dare not f*ck How can they? Take what is not theirs? Shake what is not loose? These petals command the windAnd rise the tides No time to stop This bloom made the sun  ————— Let’s stop hiding, shall we? Let’s stop trading...
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Hunting Medicine

Hunting Medicine
I am a huntress of medicine. I stalk out a need within myself or a client and then I ask Spirit to bring on the alchemy. At times, it is like a treasure hunt where one clue leads to another in an unfolding journey that requires patience and surrender. That’s how it has been this last month with the personal trauma work that I have been sharing with y’all. I had stalled out,...
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Earth Day Invitation

Earth Day Invitation
The Earth laughs in flowers. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Thank you Ralph. And thank you Mother. I have such gratitude for the beauty of this Earth and all that She inspires. She has always been my greatest teacher and friend— my secret church and the riverbed for my tears. She has been speaking to me and through me since I was a child, as I believe She does with every human, every living...
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Saying Yes to More

Saying Yes to More
I awoke last night before my usual witching hour of 3am. I had crashed early, happily exhausted, and found the midnight chime to be my time. I lit my candles, said my prayers, and swiftly disappeared into a wordless dream that enveloped my mind— empty and yet saturated like the invisible aroma of flowers in the air. Though beautiful and sweet, it left me restless and wanting— my body hot with the energy...
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My Secret Church

My Secret Church
In light of Notre Dame, I thought I would share this piece I wrote a while back about my “secret church” and its ‘demise’. Perhaps it will offer some comfort to those feeling the loss of their sacred site. Perhaps they will feel the loss, like I did, as an expansion and return to the essence from which it came... and to which called us there in the first place. All things fade...
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A Simple 5-Step Meditation

A Simple 5-Step Meditation
Meditation came alive for me when I let go of the obligation to silence my mind and instead chose to direct my mind into the meditation. Let’s face it; the mind’s habit is to talk. It has been talking to you, at you, about you, for however many years you have been speaking. So what makes you think it is suddenly going to hush up now that you have chosen to seek inner...
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Fencing in our Creativity

Fencing in our Creativity
Fence?I am the fence! And my lines Bend time And wildIt all away. Lately my walking meditations have been much like those of my childhood—listening without a question in my heart. It has been nice to return to this place of simply receiving the medicine of the moment, without the prayers that so often lead these walks. It draws me back to my training days with Sarita and our practice of channeling—just her...
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The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive

The Trauma Self’s Strive to Thrive
“I am here!”
 This has been my mantra for the last couple weeks. It is one that I have used with myself and clients in the past yet with less of a declaration and more of a loving presence. I would place my hand on my heart or wherever my emotional pain had landed and coo, “I am here. I got you.” My clients would report how effective this simple act of self-love...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 4: The Fight

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 4: The Fight
The fight response presents in the mind. The energy is guarded, controlled, and sharp with pride. The trauma self stands her ground. No longer frozen or running from fear, she raises her sword at the ready to take on the battle. She seems triumphant—a warrior to be lauded—but the only one sliced by her blade now is herself. For the real battle is done—the enemy slain, arraigned or waned—and yet she keeps fighting,...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 3: The Flight

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 3: The Flight
The flight response presents in the emotional aspect: the energy is flowing but erratic. The frozen self may have thawed enough to move but only laterally— flitting back and forth between emotional coping mechanisms. One might think that this flight is purely based in fear but remember, we are talking about the trauma self’s resistance to being embraced by You, the guardian, and in this case, to being felt. She isn’t just fleeing...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 2: The Freeze
Yesterday, I flipped the conversation about our resistance to healing and embracing our trauma self into an exploration of how the trauma self resists that embrace, even from You, the guardian. I introduced a new framework for identifying her resistance—the freeze, flee, or fight response. I shared that my trauma self has resisted my embrace in these three ways and cycled through them, just as she did when the trauma first occurred. I...
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Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 1

Resistance of the Trauma Self: Part 1
My last few posts addressed the rebellion against our trauma self and this “walking in two worlds” medicine. Next up: resistance manifest and how our trauma self freezes, flees, or fights the “essential embrace”. 

As a healer, I understood the manifestation of one’s resistance to be based on density. The longer and stronger it was held, the more physical it would become—moving from a spiritual disconnect to a mental one, then emotional, and...
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Opening the Door to our Trauma Self

Opening the Door to our Trauma Self
What opens the door within oneself? ...to peer beyond the veils of protection that we placed in front of our trauma? …to pierce the heavy silence, the frozen fear, its secrets, its shame? ...and to do this walk that I and so many of us are on, or wish to be on— this walking in both worlds with our trauma self finally risen from shadow and with our guardian self at the ready...
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Welcoming our "Triggers"

Welcoming our "Triggers"
I received so many response to my last post—about healing trauma and walking in two worlds: as the self needing to be healed, and as the one offering that healing—that I want to deepen the conversation, to invite you deeper into your process by sharing more of my own. So that’s what’s up this week and until Spirit (which includes you!) invites another topic to the table. First up is this word used...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 4: Reweaving the Trauma Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 4: Reweaving the Trauma Self
In my recent posts, I have been discussing a vision I received: a patchwork quilt which represented my life and all the selves within it, connected by a single golden thread—the one Self that flows through them all. It has delivered a big medicine for me and the healing of a hidden sexual trauma recently uncovered. This has been the toughest piece of trauma work I have ever had to do because it...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 3: Meditation

Patchwork Quilt: Part 3: Meditation
Imagine...your life as a patchwork quilt...spread out before you... spread out within you... every moment of your life... and each version of You within them... child unborn and child emerged... teenager uncertain and rebelled... adult assured and then felled... victim, survivor, lover of love... guardian, elder, and spirit returned... all together... here, now... connected as one continuous being... one heart... one soul... one You... to love, to honor, to be. Imagine them all...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 2: The Common Thread of the Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 2: The Common Thread of the Self
I used to think of the Self as a layered being— layers of stories, beliefs, emotions. That is the language I was given to describe it and to process it— to peel away the layers. Through my personal journey of healing trauma, I discovered the emotional “peeling“ to be more of an unwinding from the body. Each emotion was like a thread, spun by stories and bound with beliefs and, if I followed...
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Patchwork Quilt: Part 1: Integrating the Self

Patchwork Quilt: Part 1: Integrating the Self
I slipped into a beautiful dream at the Self Realization Fellowship yesterday and magic ensued... In the vision, I stood as a little girl in the center of a circle of grandmothers who were weaving a patchwork quilt. With eyes of wonder, I watched them share a single golden thread between them as they sewed the most beautiful quilt I had ever seen— wild with colors that were softened only by their supple...
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Two into One: An Ode to Duality

Two into One: An Ode to Duality
“Two into One” Moonlit strangersDawn endangersTwo cups spilt Winter chimedWings alignedTwo coins laid Songs spunPrayers undoneTwo tears drop Empty dayDreams a wayTwo flowers fly Moonlit strangersDawn endangersTwo into one I wanted to share one of my recent poems with you all. It is an ode to duality, I suppose— a profession of love and a tale of our affair. Duality is not something we escape exactly. It is natural... when it is natural....
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The Death of Prince Charming (repost)

The Death of Prince Charming (repost)
In today's society, the search for true love often trumps the search for God but each is a worthy quest that, with the right map, will bring you to the same place— you. I struggled for years in my relationships with men and with God. Though I was raised to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, I secretly sought completion. I pushed and I pulled on their love— the part of me that...
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